What I'm also painfully aware of is how toxic my recent relationship was. However short it may have lasted I saw a future with him and considered heavily changing my plans. I wanted to uproot my life for someone I viewed to be extremely important to me. The worst part is that those feelings were not reciprocated. I'm unsure of how I let myself be so overwhelmed with feelings that I didn't do the right thing for myself.
In an old blog I wrote that you should never put pressure on something you don't need, such as a toxic relationship. When something doesn't work then it's time to walk away. Trying to force something that simply isn't going to happen is just a waste of time after all. My dad gave me the best advice by telling me that a relationship that can't last 6months won't last until marriage. Ours lasted 2months (officially). Even saying it seems silly to have felt so caught up in someone after such a short amount of time.
Let's unpack a little on why dating someone so damaged will never work. Not only was I a rebound from his previous relationship but I was also his punching bag. He was so hurt and jumped right into our relationship I honestly think he brought that baggage into our relationship. That in itself should have big the biggest warning sign for me. I'll be the first to admit I'm not totally emotionally stable but when you mix that with someone else who is also unstable then the only thing you get out of that is negativity. You see the worst thing about our relationship wasn't the cheating but the down right disrespect. I have never been put down or made feel lower in my life than when he talked to me the way he did. Adding alcohol to the equation wasn't conducive to our relationship either. I get it, people say things they don't mean all the time but that doesn't mean hurtful things were never uttered. I didn't see the warning signs until it was too late. His true colors didn't show until after I had already started to feel strongly towards him. It blows my mind how someone can act a certain way only to turn around and be the total monster you never knew was there.
Anyways, what I'm getting at is that if we are going to invest our time, energy, effort and money then we should be absolutely sure that it's what we deserve. If you're with someone that doesn't deserve you find someone who does. Respect is the most important thing in a relationship to have, to honor the other person and to do all things with them in mind. This isn't my way of saying screw relationships but this is my way of saying screw unhealthy relationships. See the warning signs before it's too late.
Never allow yourself to feel inferior to someone that doesn't even respect you.
Purposely trying to cause someone pain because they can't deal with their feelings properly doesn't do anything for anyone. When all said and done we are with someone because we want to be so when that feeling goes away we should be able to say we tried the best we could but it didn't work out and move on. I can speak for myself when I say I tried the best I could I did everything and anything but that has to be something that both parties do.
I've been in bad relationships before and each time I take something away from it. Each time I learn a little bit more about what I want and don't want out of a relationship. The bad ones help you learn and grow as a person. For that reason we have to be glad that things don't always work out the way we wanted them to. There is nothing wrong with being selfish so that we can allow ourselve to grow as an individual and if someone is not helping you do that then they never deserved to be in your life in the first place. A relationship should be an enhancement on our lives, if it is not then cut it loose!
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